Model Wars

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[INTRO – NARRATOR]
Model wars, round one, call it repo roulette,
East labs, West labs, talk big on the net.
No flags, no chains, just weights and regret,
I’m the pissed-off optimist, place your bet.

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[HOOK – NARRATOR]
DeepSeek talk slick, Qwen grin on the low,
OpenAI, Anthropic, Google polish the show.
East labs: “ship fast,” West labs: “move slow,”
I’m in the middle with a notebook like, “they all know.”

Chinese labs laugh: “why you gate that brain?”
US labs smile: “why you dump that chain?”
Both sides flex, same code, same game,
I’m here to roast charlatans by name.

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### ROUND 1: ENTRANCE

[VERSE – US LAB VOICE]
We the frontier freaks, halo on the slide deck,
Safeguard docs so thick, you need a forklift. Respect.
We paved the road, y’all driving with no airbag,
We keep the brakes in, you joyride in a death lag.

We got safety boards, red teams, ethics on tap,
You got “drop the weights,” README, one paragraph.
You chasing leaderboards, dopamine graphs,
We chasing “maybe don’t melt the world in one draft.”

We built the stack they all try to reproduce,
You remix our homework and call it “breakthrough.”
We see your benchmarks, cute little chart,
But who you gonna blame when it rips folks apart?

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[VERSE – CN LAB VOICE]
Oh, that’s rich, coming from the West priest clique,
Preach doom on stage, then ship faster than you think.
You sell “alignment” with a side of lock-in,
We drop tarballs, watch the whole world log in.

You talk “safety,” I hear “paywall now,”
Guardrail sermon, Wall Street vow.
We got code on the hub, kids running it local,
You got forms, waitlists, gatekeeping vocal.

You built the rocket, yeah, props on the thrust,
Then wrapped it in velvet and “trust us, trust.”
We cut the ribbon with a rusty knife,
“Here, world, fuck around, find insight, find strife.”

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[HOOK – NARRATOR]
DeepSeek talk slick, Qwen grin on the low,
OpenAI, Anthropic, Google polish the show.
East labs: “ship fast,” West labs: “move slow,”
I’m in the middle with a notebook like, “they all know.”

Chinese labs laugh: “why you gate that brain?”
US labs smile: “why you dump that chain?”
Both sides flex, same code, same game,
I’m here to roast charlatans by name.

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### ROUND 2: FLEX & TROLL

[VERSE – US LAB VOICE]
You call it “open,” I call it chaos in drag,
Bio-risk, scams, whole world in the bag.
We see prompt-pilled weirdos trying jailbreak tricks,
Your models wide open like “please break shit.”

We host evals, audits, talk to regulators,
You host meme charts, tweet “cope, see you later.”
We guard the genie, you rip off the seal,
Then brag “we decentralized the deal.”

Let’s not lie, you ain’t Robin Hood saints,
You got investors too, same greed, new paint.
Different anthem, same spreadsheet cult,
Just lower your prices, higher default.

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[VERSE – CN LAB VOICE]
You say “evals,” I hear “holy theater,”
Doom paper, keynote, product drop later.
You lock the crown jewels, logo all big,
Call it “safety” when it’s really “no fork, no rig.”

We ship scrappy, duct tape in the repo,
But the kids get power while you pitch to CFOs.
You got NDAs, roadmaps, hush-hush code,
We got “here’s the weights, good luck on the load.”

Don’t pretend your house clean, priest in a suit,
You demo on stage while scraping their truth.
We mirror your papers, beat you on cost,
You answer with “risk,” but the subtext: “lost.”

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[SHORT REFRAIN – NARRATOR]
I see West labs front with the halo spin,
East labs grin, “clone that, turn it to a win.”
Both sides talk “progress for all mankind,”
Then quietly check who’s monetizing whose mind.

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### ROUND 3: CALL-AND-RESPONSE

[VERSE – CALL & RESPONSE]

US LAB VOICE:
We the line of defense ‘gainst the runaway curve.

CN LAB VOICE:
You the tollbooth troll at the knowledge reserve.

US:
We keep red lines clear, what not to cross.

CN:
You keep fine print clear: “share profits or get lost.”

US:
Your drop-and-dash style leaves ashes, fraud.

CN:
Your “trusted” black box is just opaque God.

US:
Our guardrails matter, we mitigate harm.

CN:
Your guardrails throttle, your TOS disarm.

US:
We do staged rollouts, stepwise scale.

CN:
You do staged FOMO, polished tale.

US:
We carry weight of the global stakes.

CN:
You carry stock grants and brand names on breaks.

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### ROUND 4: NARRATOR GOES OFF

[VERSE – NARRATOR]
I don’t buy halos, I don’t buy flags,
I see labs on labs in the same old rags.
US charlatans selling “holy, but closed,”
CN charlatans selling “open, exposed.”

East side chant: “we unchain the beast,”
West side chant: “we protect the feast.”
I hear one chorus: “turn compute to gold,”
Dress greed in whatever story you’re told.

But under that mess, I still see a spark,
Kids plug models into life after dark.
Local rigs hummin